In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
