hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
