if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
