forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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