You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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