That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
