Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
