after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
