I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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