It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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