And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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