I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
