I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
