Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
