Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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