Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
