Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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