i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
