so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
