dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
