omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
