At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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