That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i believe in u and ur pee
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
