I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
