The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
