No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
