i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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