Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
