Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
birth control should be required to get into college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
