addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
