you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
