Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
