Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
