i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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