I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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