okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
