U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
