she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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