I got chris browned last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
