i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
