I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
