Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
