great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
