Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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