Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
