I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Couch. On fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
