I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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