he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
