I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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