and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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