We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
