Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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