i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
