I have demons in me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
