so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I came so hard my ears popped.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
